M.I.A

Wow. it as been so long since I have spent time on my blog, I have been terribly neglectful and I am so sorry for being missing in action for so long. I would like to especially apologise to a few of my favourite authors who's book I have read but I haven't reviewed.

Marilyn Almodover
Raine Thomas
Lynn Rush
Kristie Cook
Annabell Cadiz (Michael is at the top of my to be read list)
Elle A Rose
to name but a few, I can only apologise. I hope you can all agree I do have a reasonable good excuse

The above picture is my newborn baby holding hands with his big brother.

Although my newborn is actually now a bouncy 10 month old. he keeps me on my toes that's for sure, so here is my story to catch you all up. sorry if this bores you and if you are not into babies and children I urge you to read no further.

Ten months ago I gave birth to my yummy scrummy second son, I am truly blessed to have two gorgeous boys. I am also extremely tired.
My oldest boy is now five and I am so proud of him. I was worried in the beginning how he would react to having a new baby in the house, he as being our world for four years of his life, in the beginning I took comfort from the poem "Loving Two" the Author is unknown but the words really struck a cord with me as every word is true, I could have written it myself, if only I had the time. ha. My oldest is such a brilliant big brother though he loves to cuddle and play with his baby brother, sure he sometimes gets fed up but hey he is five but I see the love in his eyes when he plays with his brother and I see how the baby always looks for his brother when he hears his voice.

My oldest started school just before our baby was born, I love the one on one time I get with like I did with my eldest but wow I never expected him to be such a handful. I was obviously naive thinking that he would be as easy going as his brother, boy was I wrong. lol
even though he isn't yet crawling (Although he does push himself around backwards) he still gets into all sorts of mischief.
His favourite snack is my mail, preferably brown envelopes they appear to be the tastiest, his favourite hobby is to constantly bash his walker into the table legs ( He as succeeded in loosening them off so far) and despite his many toys my mobile phone is his favourite and if that isn't available pulling my hair is another firm favourite.

My day consists of 5.30am start (even on the days I don't go to work, baby has yet to get the concept of a lie in)
then I either go to work which now a days is also called "me time" or I keep baby entertained until its time to get oldest (who takes after mummy and enjoys sleeping) up for school. breakfast is given, boys are dressed, usually after a debate with oldest over weather he will wear summer uniform or winter uniform, we then spend the next few minutes making sure we have homework, reading books etc. before stepping out the door,usually with a dash back in to get his water bottle, which he wont actually drink but I insist he takes it full every day anyway, if nothing else than to make more needless work for me.
once dropped off at school/finished work I head to baby groups where  I can actually drink a cup of tea... while it is still hot and chat to other sleep deprived mummies.
On the way home baby usually as his second nap of the day, keeping mummy awake all night is apparently hard work.
once home its dinner time where he as fun covering the floor in food and water and laughs while mummy cleans up the mess, before I know it, it is time to do the school run again were baby will have the third nap of the day, but this gives me chance to go through homework, reading and words with my pldest before I make tea. Then begins the bedtime routine, my partner is usually home in time to say goodnight to out baby and while I put him to bed he will get the oldest ready, then finally it's bath time for mummy and if i am really lucky I manage a whole bath and sometimes even tea before baby wakes for his first fed of the night. just like having a lie in he as yet to master sleeping through the night.

Do you want to no a secret (it's not really a secret) I wouldn't change my boys for the world, life is hard, buts its never dull.

My boys taught me the meaning of love at first sight, they taught me to believe in true love and they taught me what it really means to love someone more than you love yourself.
they taught me how strong I really am, there is nothing I wouldn't do for my boys, they are my world.

Sorry I rambled a bit there, I don't often get adult conversation. Ha. The point is my boys keep me busy and reviewing and writing slipped down my priority list, even once they are both asleep I just couldn't bring myself to pull out the laptop, I just wanted to ear chocolate and drink tea before finally it was an acceptable time for me to go to bed myself..

It as taken ten months but I finally feel as though I have found a balance, I think returning to work as awful as that is as helped, I am only there a few hours a day but I think it is what I needed to find me again. Being a mum is all encompassing and it is honestly the best thing I have ever done. Twice.

I am now in a place where I am able to get back to reviewing and writing. I will be starting with the review of Return of the ascendant by the lovely Raine Thomas.

I apologise for rambling and well done for if you made it this far I promise not all my posts will be like this. I will leave you with the Poem "Loving Two" that I mentioned earlier on.

Loving Two

As I walk along holding your 4-year-old hand, basking in the glow of our magical relationship. Suddenly I feel a kick from within, as if to remind me that our time alone is limited. And I wonder: How could I ever love another child as I love you?

Then she is born, and I watch you. I watch the pain you feel at having to share me as you've never shared me before. I hear you telling me in your own way, "Please love only me" And I hear myself telling you in mine,"I can't," knowing, in fact, that I never can again.

You cry. I cry with you. I almost see our new baby as an intruder on the precious relationship we once shared. A relationship we can never quite have again.

But then, barely noticing, I find myself attached to that new being, and feeling almost guilty. I'm afraid to let you see me enjoying her -- as though I am betraying you.

But then I notice your resentment change, first to curiosity, then to protectiveness, finally to genuine affection.

More days pass, and we are settling into a new routine. The memory of days with just the two of us is fading fast. But something else is replacing those wonderful times we shared, just we two.

There are new times -- only now, we are three. I watch the love between you grow, the way you look at each other, touch each other. I watch how she adores you -- as I have for so long. I see how excited you are by each of her new accomplishments.

And I begin to realize that I haven't taken something from you, I've given something to you. I notice that I am no longer afraid to share my love openly with both of you. I find that my love for each of you is as different as you are, but equally strong.

And my question is finally answered, to my amazement. Yes, I can love another child as much as I love you -- only differently.

And although I realize that you may have to share my time, I now know you'll never share my love. There's enough of that for both of you -- you each have your own supply.

I love you -- both. And I thank you both for blessing my life.